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Writers Block

2 Oct

Soooo… I’m writing a maid of honor speech this morning. Guess who, for the first time ever, doesn’t have the words coming to mind?

That’s right.
Me.

Fudge.

Stay tuned…

This is trash

1 Oct

If I were on Facebook, I would know that Dom is growing a beard.

Bad idea, Dom. Bad idea. Shave it.

Opinions? Ready? Go.

Update:

I thought this was appropriate to include…

Dom: “What should I be for Halloween?”

Me: (ignoring him) “I’m going to be Poison Ivy”

Dom: “I know what I can be. I’ll have a full beard by then, so I can be the Unibomber. I’ll just need a hoodie and my sunglasses, and I’ll be halfway there”

No. No, Dom. No.

WordPress

1 Oct

WordPress is kind of neat. I just clicked on the “Facebook” tag… and a bunch of recently published blogs with the tag of “facebook” popped up…

I thought the explanation on Facebook was kind of neat, for those of you who are too lazy to click it for yourselves, I’ve copied/pasted it below (Thank you, WordPress)

Facebook

If you don’t use Facebook (and there are fewer and fewer of you every day), you can’t understand: It’s addicting. Especially if your friends, family and co-workers live all over the planet — Facebook brings them together in one neat and tidy place.  Meaning, you’re never far away from almost everyone you know. That’s both good and bad, of course. And like all social networks, one has to wonder: Will it jump the shark? Is it the next Friendster? Or here to stay? As Spanish speakers say, vamos a ver.

If I were on Facebook…

1 Oct

I would have known that Kristen had applied for her doctorate at Maryland. What smart little friends I have!

Congrats, Miss (Mrs.?) thang!!!!!

This post is dedicated solely to you!!!
K West 10:18 am
(10:18:30 AM):     sigh

(10:18:34 AM):     I’m like an orphan

Birthdays

1 Oct

Another problem with a world sans Facebook? I can’t wish people happy birthdays. Much less remember peoples birthdays!

Luckily, I do know that today is Britt’s mom’s birthday. So a very very very special HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Missi Koebler!

Can’t wait to see this beautiful family at Britt’s wedding on October 23rd!!!

XOXOXOXOXO

Upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend

1 Oct

Let me start this post off with a quick disclaimer: I am drinking. Not heavily… but I am drinking.

Ready? Go.

First off… Hi, Dom. Hi, Mike.

Now… let me tell you the story about upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend. ALL of apartment neighbors have douchey boyfriends, but this one takes the cake.

When I googled “douchebag” to include an image, I came up with this:


Yes… he is most certainly ALSO a douchebag. However, upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend looks more like this:

1) No, mom… quit thinking it right now. This boy is not cute, and he is not dressed well.

2) This guy, and upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend BOTH think that their shit doesn’t stink. You’re right… your shit DOESN’T stink, because it is DROWNING in Abercrombie & Fitch cologne.

I know you all know exactly what A&F cologne smells like. If you’ve ever been with 150ft of an A&F store, you know the smell.. and you know it gets in your nostrils, it singes your nose hairs, and you smell it for hours.

So… unfortunately, I run into upstairs neighbor and her douchey boyfriend ALL. OF. THE. TIME… maybe this is a sign that I need to leave my apartment more often. I dunno.

Regardless… tonight, I’m taking the dogs out (douchey boyfriend is afraid of Dori and Evi… all eight pounds of them… for real)… and douchey boyfriend is in the stairway with upstairs neighbor, STINKING UP THE STAIRWAY with his cologne… looking exactly like picture number two. When I walk outside, I still smell douchey boyfriend. When I return from taking the dogs for a walk, I can STILL smell douchey boyfriend in the stairway.

Gross. Douchey boyfriend, the following is a shout out to you:

Abercrombie & Fitch has a very specific demographic… roughly Junior to Senior HS… beyond that, you really need to expand your wardrobe. If you want to dress “nicely,” please shop elsewhere. J Crew has a great selection of clothes. Banana Republic, too. Express is nice. I dig it. EVEN MORE SO… there is absolutely no reason that your douchey attire needs to be washed in A&F cologne. You smell like a Justin Bieber concert.

That is all. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I love douchey boyfriend. A close second is across the hallway’s almost as douchey boyfriend… who likes make me nauseous by singing love songs to across the hallway neighbor… really. loudly.

Some of us live by ourselves and DON’T have a douchey boyfriend, thankyouverymuch. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Speaking of douchebags (read: picture 1 of DB’s), it is now Jersey Shore time, beeeeeeyotches!

p.s.

30 Sep

Jake… yes, you, Jake Gyllenhaal… sorry I missed your call. Call me back.

Yes, I DO want to go on a date with you this weekend. 😉

(Wow, I need to get out). But seriously. WOWWWWW.