Tag Archives: Evi

Upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend

1 Oct

Let me start this post off with a quick disclaimer: I am drinking. Not heavily… but I am drinking.

Ready? Go.

First off… Hi, Dom. Hi, Mike.

Now… let me tell you the story about upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend. ALL of apartment neighbors have douchey boyfriends, but this one takes the cake.

When I googled “douchebag” to include an image, I came up with this:

Yes… he is most certainly ALSO a douchebag. However, upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend looks more like this:

1) No, mom… quit thinking it right now. This boy is not cute, and he is not dressed well.

2) This guy, and upstairs neighbors douchey boyfriend BOTH think that their shit doesn’t stink. You’re right… your shit DOESN’T stink, because it is DROWNING in Abercrombie & Fitch cologne.

I know you all know exactly what A&F cologne smells like. If you’ve ever been with 150ft of an A&F store, you know the smell.. and you know it gets in your nostrils, it singes your nose hairs, and you smell it for hours.

So… unfortunately, I run into upstairs neighbor and her douchey boyfriend ALL. OF. THE. TIME… maybe this is a sign that I need to leave my apartment more often. I dunno.

Regardless… tonight, I’m taking the dogs out (douchey boyfriend is afraid of Dori and Evi… all eight pounds of them… for real)… and douchey boyfriend is in the stairway with upstairs neighbor, STINKING UP THE STAIRWAY with his cologne… looking exactly like picture number two. When I walk outside, I still smell douchey boyfriend. When I return from taking the dogs for a walk, I can STILL smell douchey boyfriend in the stairway.

Gross. Douchey boyfriend, the following is a shout out to you:

Abercrombie & Fitch has a very specific demographic… roughly Junior to Senior HS… beyond that, you really need to expand your wardrobe. If you want to dress “nicely,” please shop elsewhere. J Crew has a great selection of clothes. Banana Republic, too. Express is nice. I dig it. EVEN MORE SO… there is absolutely no reason that your douchey attire needs to be washed in A&F cologne. You smell like a Justin Bieber concert.

That is all. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I love douchey boyfriend. A close second is across the hallway’s almost as douchey boyfriend… who likes make me nauseous by singing love songs to across the hallway neighbor… really. loudly.

Some of us live by ourselves and DON’T have a douchey boyfriend, thankyouverymuch. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Speaking of douchebags (read: picture 1 of DB’s), it is now Jersey Shore time, beeeeeeyotches!


Day 3.

30 Sep

What. the. hell. did. people. do. before. facebook?

For real. I’m not even kidding. Today, I really needed to know the following:

* Where can I order chinese for lunch around Shadyside?

* Does anyone want to go running after work?

* What the hell is Victoria doing? (Hi, Victoria! I told you I’d give you a shout out. This is one of many!)

I also wanted to tell the following people the following:

* Dan Rinkus: I’m watching Scrubs. It always makes me think of you because I know how much you like it.

* DiAnna: Nekkie kisses

* Meghann: Holy shit. You’re getting married in nine days. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. (Sorry for the vulgar language, family).

Yes, yes… I could text or call them… but it’s so much easier to just post a status to see where I can get chinese for lunch… whatever.

OKKKK. and in other news. If I were still using Facebook, you would know that I witnessed a pretty intense car accident this morning. Approximately six minutes after dragging my ass out of bed and taking my dogs out for  a walk, I was closing my OPEN SUNROOF because it was raining, and I turned my head to the right… and SMMMMMASSSSHHHHHHH car STRAIGHT into a parked Jeep. I figure it’s a matter of time before the Mazda gets smashed for being parked on the street. Regardless, it was scary. The driver seemed to be OK, but the damage was substantial. Shitty.

In other news, J Ro and Kate and I are going out for Happy Hours tomorrow night! (Probably Stef later, after her work happy hour)… we’re officially on the hunt for “Jackson”… did I ever blog about “Jackson”? (Obviously, not on this blog…) Let’s put it this way… we made credentials for Jackson in January… I thought I met Jackson in February… but as it turns out, I didn’t. But I will. J Ro is on the hunt for “Damon”. Girls will be girls 🙂

That’s all for now. Justin Bieber is on tv… time to pretend I have no interest at all.